We Are Married and He is Bisexual

We Are Married and He is Bisexual

Bisexuality in women is more common and it is even fantasized by both men and women.   Bisexuality in men does seem to be more of a Taboo topic of discussion.   Many people still have memories about HIV and AIDS from the 80’s and 90’s. There is that fear that these viruses can be more likely to be transmitted by Bisexual man than any other sexual orientation group. This is called biphobia. It is part of the stereotype about being a bisexual man. These stereotypes also include that they are more likely to be cheaters and unable to be monogamous.  

Another stigma that people have as well is the belief that being a bisexual male and having sex with other men are not only fewer masculine but also not a good partner either inside or outside the bedroom.   However there is a study out there in the School of Health and Social Development that “Women who are in a bisexual relationship with their partners are far superior lovers and even better spouses and fathers than the average straight man.

My friends Edward and Molly*** were kind enough to talk to me about his bisexuality. Edward is tall and has a very masculine presence around him. He is an auto mechanic and looks every bit of the part down to the dirt and grim under his fingernails. This 37-year-old man is also father of three children. Though he does have a sexual preference towards women, he still has a strong sexual attraction for other men. This has been a feeling that he has had since he was a teenager growing in rural Georgia.     For Edward, having sex with either a man or a woman is quite amazing but for different reasons.

“I have a very loving and supportive wife who is also bisexual”, stated Edward. ”She has never had an issue about my own personal sexual preferences. Though we have had threesomes with both men and women in the past. I have made a choice to be with her. We are both 100% secure in our relationship the other has more options to cheat on the other”.

Molly has a very strong presence about her. Though she is almost 40 years old, she has the appearance of someone who is ten years younger than her.  Molly says that she knew that there was something different about Edward because of how open about sex and willing to try things suck as anal play and pegging. “When he talked to me about being bisexual, we looked at other options including BDSM and even a poly relationship. We discovered that neither option was a fit for us. We decided to bring in a third woman or guy for threesomes or to be intimate with another couple whose both partners were bisexual as well”. “Our rule”, Molly added, “is that we both have veto power if we have a bad vibe about the other person. We trust each other enough to realize that it isn’t a jealously or an insecurity issue- it just isn’t a good fit for the other person.”

***Names have been changed

Melissa Spardley
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Add A Little Buzz to Your Oral Sex

Add A Little Buzz to Your Oral Sex


When your tongue gets tired of flicking and licking her “love button”, try using a clitoral stimulator as a stand-in. A bullet vibrator works best, giving you lots of room to continue stimulating the rest of her vulva with your mouth and/or fingers.
Some women enjoy vaginal or anal penetration while having their clitoris stimulated. As mentioned above, you can try inserting a finger or two to stimulate her internally. Next time, try inserting a well lubricated small sex toy that vibrates. Some even have a special curved tip ideal for G-Spot stimulation.  The buzzing sensation along with your stimulation is sure to drive your partner wild with pleasure.  More Sex Tips >>>

Finally, try using some Sex Tarts (for your benefit) or a warming lube (for her pleasure).

Remember that everyone’s body is different. What one woman loves, another woman hates. Talk to your partner about what she likes and dislikes. The more comfortable you are discussing cunnilingus, the more you’ll enjoy performing it–but the best way to excel at cunnilingus is lots of practice. Fortunately, your partner should be more than happy to help out.

Melissa Spardley
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Sex Position of the Month- February

Sex Position of the Month- February

Looking for New Sexy Positions to try?

If you’re ready to expand your sex life beyond missionary, we’ve got just the position you need to try during your next romp in between the sheets! Here’s a new sexual position you’ll fall in love with and will want to include it in your normal routine:

The Lotus Flower

Like the flower that this sexual position takes its name from, the Lotus can be a very beautiful sexual position for both partners. Many like it because it’s very intimate, allowing both to connect to each other while in bed. However, it does require some strength and flexibility from both partners, but in general, the Lotus is fairly easy to master.

This position can easily be one of the first you start off with. To get into this position, have your partner sit down on the bed or floor and have him cross his legs close in front of him as if he was doing a traditional yoga pose. When he’s in the right position, you lower yourself down on his crotch and face him. Hold him tightly by wrapping your arms around him and then put your legs around his back while you pull yourself into his body. Once you’re all set, he can then place his arms around you and hug you tight.

 

There’s not much else you two need to do and you might actually find it difficult to thrust. Instead, you’ll need to just grind on your partner and rock with it. It’s sort of like dry humping, but with a lot more pleasure! However, this position is more than just physical pleasure, which is why many couples practice it to enhance their intimacy. You’ll both looking into each other’s eyes since you’re facing one another and hugging each other tight, allowing for you to get close. You can also use your hands to massage and rub your partner’s back and it’s great for kissing as you have sex! You’ll be able to kiss their lips, neck, cheeks, ears and any other part of their body you can reach. For deeper penetration, you can grab his shoulders and neck and pull into him as much as you can. And for more pleasure, pull yourself up and down while grinding and rocking on him. It’s really best for slow sex and not for nights where you really want some hardcore action!

And guys, make sure that your partner doesn’t sit or lean on your ankles that are crossed, which can cause pain. If you don’t want to sit with your legs crossed, you can instead put them straight out or to the side (even though it’s not really the true Lotus position). Ladies, to have him hit your G-spot, lean a bit backwards so that he can hit your G-spot to make you climax harder than ever before!

If you really want to have some fun in Lotus, you can use LELO Tor 2 Couple’s Vibrating Ring, which is a couple’s sex toy for enhanced pleasure. It’s the first waterproof and rechargeable couple’s ring that features powerful vibrations and improved performance over other sex toys for couples. You place it at the base of the penis and it will stimulate both partners! It can fit a shaft that is 1” to 2” in diameter and has a battery life of about 2 hours when completely charged. It can be used with Lotus position and a wide range of other favorites!

Thank you to everyone who gave me some great feedback about future articles and positions.    Next month.... We will talk about my favorite sexual position. 

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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Sex Position of the Month – January

Sex Position of the Month – January

It’s most likely missionary since that’s usually the first thing that comes to mind when having sex, but, of course, it’s not your only option. Here’s a new position you definitely need to add to your sexual life for some much needed variety:

Spooning

You’ve probably done spooning before, but really never knew you were doing it. The spooning position is named after the way two spoons are positioned when they are side by side when bowls are aligned. It’s more of a rear-entry sexual position, where your partner is mounting you from behind as they would in doggy style, but you’re lying next to each other on your sides. Actually, spooning is one of the “basic four” sexual positions and can be very intimate for its cuddling position.

 

You can enter either the vagina or the anus in this intimate position and it’s really not just limited to just two people, either, making it a go-to position if you partake in group sex. The receiving person is in the inner spoon position, while the one penetrating is the outer spoon. As for penetration itself, you can either separate your upper bodies and just connect your pelvises, with your legs on top of each other, or you can cuddle and snug up to each other for a more intimate act. And for much easier penetration (as well as deeper), the person receiving can lift their upper knee, which allows for more intense pleasure.

Spooning also allows for lots of extra loving given the angle that you’re in. The person who is penetrating can really do a lot of things with their hands, such as caressing their partners stomach and stimulating a woman’s breasts during heterosexual sex. They can even tickle the back of their neck and ears (or kiss this region) and even stimulate the clitoris by reaching around to finger her as they penetrate behind. For homosexual play, the penetrator can stimulate the partner’s scrotum and even provide a mini hand-job if they can reach around that far! As for the person in the front receiving, they can do a host of things in this spooning position. For instance, they can stimulate their own genitals. A vibrator can easily be introduced while spooning, adding even more pleasure for the receiver as they get penetrated from behind.

Many receivers love this position since it provides for deeper penetration and the ability to stimulate a woman’s G-spot, which can provide a pleasurable orgasm. There are also a few variations to this position, including having the couple lying on their sides looking at each other face-to-face or challenging themselves to try the scissors position. And, of course, anal sex is also very possible and pleasurable while spooning.

Many couples prefer this position for morning sex, given they’ve probably slept that way the night before. And it works great for when you’re tired since it requires minimal motion, unlike other positions that require you to put in a lot of work.  Women in their third trimester find this position comfortable for intercourse since it doesn’t put pressure on their abdomen and makes it easier to have sex. But beware that one’s penis can easily slip out during intercourse, which can be irritating to some (especially if you’re almost reaching your climax)!

And if you’re curious how this position came about, simply thank the Romans, who would often depict this position in their erotic art!

So I want to know.  What is your favorite position and why?   If we use your comments for  a future blog or educational post,  I will send you a free gift.

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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A New Year Means A Brand New You

A New Year Means A Brand New You

Pull out your New Year’s resolutions for 2019 (take your time, I will wait) Does it include being skinnier, richer or the one that ends up on my list every year, learn a new language. But is there anything on your list that says that you are to be sexier in 2019?   If the answer is no, you need to keep reading.

Why not? Why not make 2019 the year you make your sex life a priority. Here are a few sexual resolutions that can help improve your life in and out of the bedroom.

Learn About Your  Body.  If you want to have better sex, you must learn your body.  Study human anatomy and learn what each erogenous zone does.  The best part is then having some fun by putting that knowledge to good use.

Talk to Your Doctor. If you believe there is a medical issue that could be affecting your sex life, make an appointment to talk to your doctor right away.  Talk to your doctor about what is going on with your body and get the help and the support that you and your sex life deserves.

More Sex.  I know,  it is easier than it sounds.  Instead of spending mindless hours watching TV with your partner,  become a little more playful.  Start laughing and kissing each other.  Just that little bit will start to turn on the both of you.   Remember sex is great cardio so you do get to work on that more exercise resolution.

Also, make sex a habit.  Become intimate with your partner every night during the month of January.   If you make it part of your routine,  you will form a habit that you will never want to break.

Think Sexy: Be Sexy. Ever you ever had an important presentation to give at work?  You visualize about what are you going to say, what you are going to wear. You focus on the presentation. Why should sex be any different?

Visualize of an intimate night in your mind. Think about the lighting, the music, the toys. Imagine what you are going to wear.  Buy some new lingerie that makes you feel good about the way you look. Then, set the stage. Early in the day, write your lover a little note saying what you want to do in a much detail as you are comfortable with.

As far as the execution goes, well, that’s up to you.

Try Something New. One of the keys to ending a rut — sexual or personal — is to try something new. Bringing in toys in the bedroom can help.  You can also play games to help you discover talents you didn’t know you had. Stepping out of your box can boost your confidence and that confidence will make you feel sexier.

Now is the time to stop making excuses and sex that sex life ramped up for 2019.    If what I have said didn’t get you to add a better sex life to your resolution, remember sex is a fun way to burn calories.  So technically you could be taking care of two resolutions in one.  To me, that sounds the ultimate resolution.

Also, for the month of January- use coupon code "NewYou" for 20% off your entire order. 

Here’s to a sexy 2019!

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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How Do You Measure Up?

How Do You Measure Up?

How Does Your Penis Measure Up with the Rest of the World?
It’s likely that the penis-size debate will last longer than the U.S. will remain financially solvent.   In the past decade, there has been a lot of data published about the range of penis sizes.  Factors such as age and nationality have been seen as significant in some studies but irrelevant in others.

So what does this all mean?

 Given that comparing penis size is the most popular thread on Afraidtoask.com (with over 1.5 million views and a few dozen associated threads), I thought it would be appropriate to jump start Afraidtoask.com 2.0 with a series of articles about just that.

 Let’s start by comparing a few studies:

 In the United States:

Group: 1,661 erect American sexually active men

Verdict:

Average erect length: 5.57 inches (14.15cm)
Average erect circumference: 4.81 inches (12.23cm)
Different characteristics were not associated with size.

Around the World:

Top 3 Countries with the largest (average penis size)
Republic of Congo: 7.1 inches (18.034 cm)
Ecuador: 7 inches (17.78 cm)
Ghana: 6.8 inches (17.272cm)

Bottom 3 Countries with the smallest (average penis size)
Thailand: 4 inches (10.16 cm)
South Korea: 3.8 inches (9.65 cm)
North Korea: 3.8 inches (9.65 cm)

For a full list to see where your country lies, click here.
This data seems like it’s a combination of self-reporting and published studies (which often include self reporting because I imagine it would be really awkward to do all day).

Penis size by age:

I had a lot of anxiety researching “penis size by age” due to a fear of being put on some watch list.

However, I was able to find the following:

A Practical Guide. These are approximate ranges of non-erect (soft) penises.
Age 10 to 11: 1.6 inches (4 cm) to 3.1 inches (8 cm)
Age 12: 2.0 inches (5 cm) to 4.0 inches (10 cm)
Age 13: 2.0 inches (5 cm) to 4.7 inches (12 cm)
Age 14: 2.4 inches (6 cm) to 5.5 inches (14 cm)
Age 15: 3.1 inches (8 cm) to 5.9 inches (15 cm)
Age 16: 3.9 inches (10 cm) to 5.9 inches (15 cm)
Age 17: 3.9 inches (10 cm) to 6.3 inches (16 cm)
Age 18: 4.3 inches (11 cm) to 6.7 inches (17 cm)

Results seem to be higher than other studies especially considering a non-erect status.

The biggest takeaway would be that if you were 14 and concerned about your size: don’t worry it gets bigger.

If you’re an adult with an erect penis length between 5-6 inches, you’re average.  Stop worrying and get on with your life.

So men?  Does this make you feel better?  Think of it this way, if you make your partner(s) happy... That is what matter. 

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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Slippery Slope: Sex in the Shower

Slippery Slope: Sex in the Shower

Popular Alternative to the Bedroom

So a few years back,  MyPleasure conducted a poll and discovered  that when some people venture outside the bedroom, they’re getting all wet, in the shower.

It’s common for couples to complain that their sex lives have stagnated so taking it outside the bedroom might be just what the doctor ordered.

We all get into our sex routines: brush teeth, climb in bed, watch Jimmy Kimmel, have a quickie  so you don’t miss Jimmy's first guest.

Making small, simple variations to our sex routines (i.e. new location) yields surprising results. Think you need to log 7 days in Bali on a tropical beach to revamp your sex life?  Think again. Just mixing up the time and place can reignite the dormant flame.

So, why not jump start your sex life in the car, especially if the last time you did it in the back seat was at the senior prom. Channel that teenage excitement of pure unbridled passion and let’s not forget the lust.

Changing location is one of those sex tips that’s easy to implement, because, hey, you’re going to shower at some point, why not invite your partner along? And as long as you’re heading that way, bring along some water-proof sex toys for the ride.

It’s fun to mix it up, take a look around your house, by all means, improvise, when was the last time you really used the pool table anyway?

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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Five Ways to Get Kinky

Five Ways to Get Kinky

You are thinking of getting your kink on with your partner. The problem is you do not know where to start.  You can be a little nervous and even fear that you may even freak him out.    The great think about introduing kink into the bedroom is you can introduce things slowly until your lover is comfortable. 

I must admit, The idea of a paddle, flogger, or riding crop is entrancing – until you think about it on your own skin. Even if you are a masochist, sometimes exploring with something heavy right out of the box can be far too scary, and a bad experience can turn you off altogether. Fortunately, there are ways you can wet your feet in kink to decide if you enjoy it, and where to go from there.

Show a little restraint (with something you already own). You do not have to head to Home Depot and fret for thirty minutes over their rope selection (blushing when you go up to the counter even though everyone buys rope for all sorts of purposes) if you want to try a little bondage. Chances are you and your partner already have everything you need to try out a bondage fantasy tonight. Anything that is long enough to reach around your wrists will do. Even if you do not have a headboard you can be tied to, just tying your hands together is enough to know if bondage if for you. Use a tie, a scarf, or even pantyhose. The important thing is to not tie too tight, and have something ready to cut the tie just in case. Once you know you like bondage, you can turn to kinky rope or restraint systems.


Deprive your senses. The most common type of sensory deprivation in kinky play is being blindfolded. You can do this with a blindfold or with a scarf, tie, or even a shirt over your eyes (just leave your nose and mouth uncovered). If you really want to enjoy the height of sensory deprivation, have your partner blindfold you and block your hearing as well. You can do this with earplugs, noise-reducing earmuffs, or wear earphones that play mood music. Being unable to see or hear your partner will heighten your sense of touch. Once you are used to sensory deprivation, you can even combine it with bondage.


Ready to make an impact. Impact play (spanking, flogging, paddling, etc.) is a cornerstone of kinky play. It is best to start with spanking, so that you and your partner understand the sensations you each receive. If you enjoy impact, you can move onto other tools. Floggers are nice for making the transition because you have variety. You can get a flogger with light, wide tails that will deliver impact but little pain, or thinner tails that will give a nice sting on impact. Do not forget about household objects. Flip-flops, rulers, and wooden kitchen spoons and spatulas also make nice impact devices and turn everyday objects into something fun. Later, pick out a nice flogger, riding crop, or paddle.

Role-play is a great way to introduce a little kink into the bedroom. Talk to your partner about a basic scenario, what will happen and how it will end, and act it out together. This is a chance for you to share your fantasies. It is also an incredible way to bond. When we show our creative side to our partners, we enrich our intimacy in a way that nothing else can.


Add a touch of pain. You do not need nipple clamps or riding crops to experience a little pain in the bedroom. If you have clothespins (your local grocer or big box sell both wooden and plastic ones) then you have everything you need to begin exploring pain. Clip nipples. You can also clip the genitals. That may seem painful (it is). It is also incredibly erotic. For the woman, clip the outer labia gently to open her up. You can experiment with some of the inner folds of the labia, but be careful. For the man, you can gently clip along the scrotum if he is soft (then tease other erogenous zones to make him hard). You can also clip along the ball sack. It is important that you do not clip along blood vessels or the testicles themselves. If you want something interesting, craft stores sell miniature clothespins that you can use the same way. As you get used to this type of play, you can explore nipple and genital clamps as well.

It does not take much to add a little kink into the bedroom. Chances are you do not even have to make an extra shopping trip. Just look around to see what you can kink up (we tend to call such items “pervertables”) and have fun. Just be sure to talk to your partner about what you want to explore, set limits, and have a safe word to stop play if necessary.  Mine is Pizza.

With Pleasure,

Melissa

Melissa Spardley
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My Pleasure Has A New Look

My Pleasure Has A New Look

Welcome to the new and Improved Mypleasure.com. 
Melissa Spardley
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