Where Do I Hide My Sex Toys?: Bulletins from the Bedroom

Where Do I Hide My Sex Toys?

It's a common question: you've amassed a veritable treasure trove of dildos, vibrators, lubricants, massage oils and toy cleaners. Now where on earth do you put them?

You'd be surprised how many people ask us for suggestions on where to store their sex toys so their children, cleaning woman or parents don't recognize them! Until people started asking my husband and I what to do with their collections, I'd never given it much thought. To be honest, when you're a childless married couple who work in the sex toy industry, it's a no-brainer: we keep our toys next to our bed, in a big, pretty blue box covered with butterflies, and we keep our waterproof toys in a plastic basket on the window ledge in our bathroom.

However, let it not be said that I won't do research to find answers for the MyPleasure faithful! I surveyed 150 people, all of who own sex toys, and found some good suggestions for storing sex toys.

Rule Number One: Keep it in Reach of the Bed
The main thing to keep in mind when figuring out how and where to store your sex toys is simple: keep those toys close to the bed. Over and over again, we heard there's nothing worse than having to interrupt foreplay to walk across the room and unpack a toy from its secret spot deep in the underwear or sock drawer. If it's not close to the bed, it's not a good place to store your toys. The same goes for lubricant and massage oil. Keep ‘em handy, or plan ahead.

In the Nightstand
By far and away, the number one place people store their sex toys is in their nightstand. Granted, if you have nosy children or parents who go through your drawers, this isn't going to solve your problems. But if you're just looking to be inconspicuous, nightstands usually have drawers, and drawers are a great place to store sex toys. The best part of this location, though, is that it keeps the toys close to the bed. It's unoriginal, but functional. Do you need more? Okay, read on.

Shoe Box
The number of people who confessed to storing their toys in a shoebox overwhelmed me! Really, I'd never thought of it, but I guess it makes sense. While people might be tempted to browse through somebody's dresser or nightstand drawers, they'd probably be substantially less inclined to open a shoebox. As one friend of mine put it, "I store my toys in a cardboard shoe box under the bed -- we called it the ‘Box of Fun.' I know, a cardboard box isn't the nicest thing in the world -- but it has the advantage of looking discreet if anyone (cleaning lady, mom, sister, etc.) ever discovers it."

Well, I certainly wouldn't have thought of a shoebox, but apparently a lot of people did, and with good reason. Some people even then line the inside of the shoebox with some kind of softer material for padding. What a wonderful idea!

In the bed
By this, I mean in between the mattress and the box spring. This one also surprised me since I'd be concerned about breaking an expensive toy by accidentally smashing it while playing (or sleeping!). However, if you've got less expensive toys -- and not all that many of them -- this method also keeps them handy and close to the bed. While we know some snoops who will take the time to lift up a mattress and look under it, it's far less likely than having them open your dresser drawer.

There are some other drawbacks to this storage method, though. One respondent pointed out a fear he carries with him whenever he's dating a woman who stores her sex toys between the mattress and the box spring, "This is only a difficult place because several of them have had little peashooter guns which were also stored between the mattress and the box spring. I wouldn't want to be half asleep and have them grab the wrong thing!"

Well, yes, life can be rough. My initial concern, though, is that this man has clearly dated many women who own peashooter guns.

The other drawback to this storage method is that it's no good if you have a cleaning woman, a parent or a teenaged child who changes your bedclothes for you (I know, we should all be so unfortunate). In that case, you'll definitely want to choose another hiding place!

Custom Casing
This is by far the most elaborate and expensive solution I heard about, but it also solves the problem of storing sex toys while keeping them discreet and out of the reach of unwanted hands. A number of companies will design a custom sex toy case for you, which includes foam padding and a lock. While these endeavors are pricey and can take up to several months to complete, if you're looking for the perfect storage solution, this is it.

For Brazen People Only
Use Tupperware. Seriously. It keeps the toys fresh, clean, tidy and neat, and conveniently stores them all in one place. In the bathroom cabinet is another solution that got high votes. But generally, the overwhelming response from people who don't have a problem leaving their toys out for the world to see was on the nightstand, in plain view, for the entire world to see. Bravo!

So there you have it. While it's our fervent wish that everyone is comfortable enough with their sexuality to leave their sex toys out in plain view, we understand that not everyone is comfortable doing so. Just pick a storage method that works for you … and don't forget to have fun with it! Decorate your shoebox, line your nightstand drawer with silk, or apply festive stickers to your Tupperware.

By the way, if you have any other sex toy storage tips, we'd love to hear them. Just email us at feedback@mypleasure.com. We may even add them here if they're that good!