The Myth of the Vibrator Miracle

The legend of the "vibrator miracle" is our favorite story: women who have never had an orgasm pick up a vibrator and have an earth-shaking climax the very first time they use it! These are true stories, believe me -- we hear from these women every day. They write us, submit product reviews and thank us. We're glad to hear from them, because MyPleasure is all about making sex better for everybody.

But we'd be remiss if we didn't tell you the truth: you shouldn't expect a miracle from your vibrator. The girls in Sex and the City may have convinced the nation that all you need to do is pop some batteries into your Rabbit Pearl and you'll be having orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. While for some lucky women, it's true; others need a little more... oomph. We don't want you to be disappointed or let down, but sexual satisfaction is more than a handful of batteries and an "on" switch! If you're thinking of buying a vibrator with the hope that your entire sexual core will open up, I'd like you to keep some things in mind.

Toys Aren't Always the Answer
Here's the truth: sex toys aren't for everybody. Some people don't like the feel of them or the sensation of the vibrations, while others really desire the intimacy of being with a partner to truly experience their sexuality. Some people are turned off by the shape, texture or sound of a sex toy, while others find that using a toy, whether alone or with a partner, affects their natural sexual flow too much to be erotic. Still other people have grown up being told that sex toys are "bad," and just can't get beyond that mode of thinking. Many people just don't like sex toys. It doesn't make you less sexual; it just makes toys not your thing. However, thousands and thousands of people in the world love the feel and sensations their sex toys give them. That said...

Try Different Toys
There are hundreds of sex toys to select from. Having bad results with one toy or not liking the feel or vibration level of another doesn't mean you'll hate them all. Everyone has different ways they like to be stimulated, touched or aroused. Millions of women say the Rabbit Pearl does it for them, but you might find a different toy takes you over the top. The downside is that you may have to try three or four different toys until you figure out what makes you tick, which can run up the bill. The upside is the plentitude of options to choose from: with a little persistence, you should be able to find something that makes you feel good.

Getting Started
I suggest that first you determine what arouses you the most: penetration, clitoral stimulation, nipple stimulation or a combination of different sensations. Then determine how strong the vibrations need to be -- you may need to try a couple of toys to figure that out.

Mind & Body
Your sexual satisfaction, or lack thereof, may not be related to anything physical at all -- sex and pleasure are as much about the brain as they are about the body. For you, it may be something as simple as altering your pre-pleasure routine. Perhaps you need to find a way to let go of the rest of the day, to relax and de-stress before you try to pleasure yourself or have your partner pleasure you. Try watching or reading erotica, or taking a bath and fantasizing before your pleasure session.

Talk to Your Partner
If you have a partner, work together to figure out what toys and stimulations will make you both feel great. Talk about things. Getting excited together about using a toy will make the experience fun for the both of you, regardless of whether the toy is a hit or a miss.

Talk to Someone Else
If you still aren't having as much pleasure as you'd like, you may want to consider talking to a professional sex therapist or other expert. We all deserve great sex -- we just need to learn how to wrap our minds around the right things to help us achieve that goal.

Get Physical
You might also have an actual physical problem that is keeping you from achieving the results you want from a vibrator or even a partner. In the last five years, great strides have been made in female sexual research. We recommend seeing either your gynecologist or your internist if you think you may have an actual physical problem that keeps you from climaxing.

Here's the most important thing to remember: whether you're flying solo or with a co-pilot, sex toys, no matter how great they are, are only one part of sex. Your mental state, physical health, other needs, emotions, intimacy, the temperature of the room... all of these things need to be conducive to your sexual state for the Rabbit Pearl or any other toy to become your new bedside favorite. Ordering a vibrator and then sitting back and waiting for the orgasms to start happening isn't realistic for most people. There's always some work to do, but isn't anything good worth the effort? And if you're really lucky, you'll be someone who achieves a great orgasm with your vibrator!