FIVE WAYS TO GET KINKY

So, you are thinking of getting your kink on with your partner. The problem is you do not know where to start. The idea of a paddle, flogger, or riding crop is entrancing – until you think about it on your own skin. Even if you are a masochist, sometimes exploring with something heavy right out of the box can be far too scary, and a bad experience can turn you off altogether. Fortunately, there are ways you can wet your feet in kink to decide if you enjoy it, and where to go from there.

• Show a little restraint (with something you already own). You do not have to head to Home Depot and fret for thirty minutes over their rope selection (blushing when you go up to the counter even though everyone buys rope for all sorts of purposes) if you want to try a little bondage. Chances are you and your partner already have everything you need to try out a bondage fantasy tonight. Anything that is long enough to reach around your wrists will do. Even if you do not have a headboard you can be tied to, just tying your hands together is enough to know if bondage if for you. Use a tie, a scarf, or even pantyhose. The important thing is to not tie too tight, and have something ready to cut the tie just in case. Once you know you like bondage, you can turn to kinky rope or restraint systems.
• Deprive your senses. The most common type of sensory deprivation in kinky play is blindfolding. You can do this with a blindfold or with a scarf, tie, or even a shirt over your eyes (just leave your nose and mouth uncovered). If you really want to enjoy the height of sensory deprivation, have your partner blindfold you and block your hearing as well. You can do this with earplugs, noise-reducing earmuffs, or wear earphones that play mood music. Being unable to see or hear your partner will heighten your sense of touch. Once you are used to sensory deprivation, you can even combine it with bondage.
• Make an impact. Impact play (spanking, flogging, paddling, etc.) is a cornerstone of kinky play. It is best to start with spanking, so that you and your partner understand the sensations you each receive. If you enjoy impact, you can move onto other tools. Floggers are nice for making the transition because you have variety. You can get a flogger with light, wide tails that will deliver impact but little pain, or thinner tails that will give a nice sting on impact. Do not forget about household objects. Flip-flops, rulers, and wooden kitchen spoons and spatulas also make nice impact devices and turn everyday objects into something fun. Later, pick out a nice flogger, riding crop, or paddle.
• Take on a role. Role-play is a great way to introduce a little kink into the bedroom. Talk to your partner about a basic scenario, what will happen and how it will end, and act it out together. This is a chance for you to share your fantasies. It is also an incredible way to bond. When we show our creative side to our partners, we enrich our intimacy in a way that nothing else can.
• Add a touch of pain. You do not need nipple clamps or riding crops to experience a little pain in the bedroom. If you have clothespins (your local grocer or big box sell both wooden and plastic ones) then you have everything you need to begin exploring pain. Clip nipples. You can also clip the genitals. That may seem painful (it is). It is also incredibly erotic. For the woman, clip the outer labia gently to open her up. You can experiment with some of the inner folds of the labia, but be careful. For the man, you can gently clip along the scrotum if he is soft (then tease other erogenous zones to make him hard). You can also clip along the ball sack. It is important that you do not clip along blood vessels or the testicles themselves. If you want something interesting, craft stores sell miniature clothespins that you can use the same way. As you get used to this type of play, you can explore nipple and genital clamps as well.

It does not take much to add a little kink into the bedroom. Chances are you do not even have to make an extra shopping trip. Just look around to see what you can kink up (we tend to call such items “pervertables”) and have fun. Just be sure to talk to your partner about what you want to explore, set limits, and have a safe word to stop play if necessary.

With Pleasure,

Melissa